Two Truths. One Lie.

Over the past few months, (gosh I can’t believe it has actually been months), I have been fighting a battle. Not just a physical battle, but more so a battle in my head and my heart. I’m going to keep it short and simple. There has been only one way I have been able to fight this battle. This hasn’t been with kumbucha, yoga, various diets, eating fresh greens, or losing body fat. Even though I have loved getting and trying these suggestions and they may work, they aren’t remedies for the soul. The only cure I’m going to find for this heart is fighting with truth and calling out the lies.

Trust me when I say this- it has been an uphill battle. It has been a battle with the spirit of God inside of me fighting Satan, the deceiver, himself. The first strike he has is ALWAYS to make you doubt God’s goodness. Like Hillary Scott, who has gone through her own troubles, we know God’s good, but this doesn’t feel good right now.

“I went on the search for something real.

Traded what I know for how I feel.

But the ceiling and the walls collapsed

Upon the darkness I was trapped

And as the last of breath was drawn from me

The light broke in and brought me to my feet.”- The Avett Brothers

And the light did finally break in. It broke in through people telling me truth daily, because I wasn’t listening. It broke in through books written by Godly women, that preach truth to those that want to hear. (Most of these truths came from Lysa TerKeurst’s book, Uninvited.)

“I knew I had to to stop assessing God’s goodness by how my life felt at any given time. Feelings are broken boards. Only truth is solid, unchanging, and stable through and through.”

So hear are 2 truths that I am choosing to tell myself daily and 1 thing I choose not to believe:

Truth #1- You are not alone.

This truth came to me on the playground with my first graders- like so many valuable lessons come. One little 6-year-old girl came up to me upset because there was “no one to play with.” I looked around at all the children playing, some playing tag, some just walking around, some doing monkey bars (Lord, please get rid of blisters in heaven). I told her to look around at all the friends to play with. They would all love to play with her, all she needs to do is go ask someone.

Just because people are quiet doesn’t mean you are alone. In my head I started to count up the people that would pass me and not mention anything. I believed no one cared. It wasn’t until my mom kept asking about me for other people that I realized that people did care. They weren’t asking me because they didn’t want to upset me even more. They didn’t want to bring it up at a time when I might not be thinking about it. What they didn’t know was that I wanted it to be brought up. I wanted and needed the encouragement. So, a door was opened and many family members started reaching out. I started the blog, which led to a flood of love and support from everyone.

If you feel alone, sometimes you have to be the one to open the doors. Because you aren’t alone, there are people that care all around you. So eliminate the awkwardness for others and be open about your problems.

Even more, there is a God that loves us and is pursing us.

“Live from the abundant place that you are loved, and you won’t find yourself begging others for scraps of love.”

Truth #2- You aren’t set aside; you are set apart.

The reality is the enemy wants you to feel rejected, set aside. He wants you to be completely self-absorbed so you miss out on what God is doing in your life at this moment. Don’t get stuck in the trap. Like Hannah in 1 Samuel begging for a son from an empty womb, it is easy to ask the questions, “Why them? Why not me? If God is good like we know, why isn’t He being good to me?”

“My head long ago nodded a big yes to His existence. It’s because I know He exists and I know He loves me that things get so confusing and complicated. My heart struggles to make peace between God’s ability to change hard things and His apparent decision not to change them for me.” - Lysa TerKeurst (Uninvited)

But maybe we haven’t been set aside, maybe we have been set apart. Maybe in this hard moment, God is preparing us with special wisdom that we will need for something big he is planning. And if that’s true, I would rather be a part of that, than my grand life I have always imagined.

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” —E. M. Forster”

The Lie - You are strong enough.

I heard this for the first time many years ago from pastor Pete Wilson. It has stuck with me for a while, yet it’s so easy to forget. It is often stated that God won’t give you more than you can handle- I would like to call BS right there (in my best Matthew Mcconaughey voice). Life gives us way more than we can handle. I’m not strong enough. But God is. I can’t handle it. But He can.

With my biopsy coming up in two weeks, I’m choosing to embrace these truths and be rid of the lies in my head- in the name of Jesus.